My blog doesn't need a title

The curtain opens (and this time it stays open) revealing a long table. A family is running around trying to prepare themselves for another Thanksgiving. (because if there’s one thing most people are bad at is saying thanks.) The mother is taking the turkey out of the oven when the doorbell rings and the turkey flies out of her hands. The scene slows down and an obnoxiously slow voice says “SHIT THE TURKEY HAS TAKEN OFF! the turkey flies across the stage in slow motion for about 2 hours (or until the entire audience has fallen asleep.) The turkey then hits the audience member in the third seat in the first row. The father of the family then says in a low monotone voice, “and it has landed”.

This may seem dissapointing but it’s only that way so you’ll continue to read it when i post the other parts tomorrow.

The curtain opens and then closes again. A member of the tech crew comes out and apologizes but says, “Maybe if my mom loved me this wouldn’t be such a fucking problem.” The audience laughs and the scene ends.

A mother walks onto the stage to find her child throwing a rock in the house. She immediately pulls him over and politely says, “WHAY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” and the child responds with, “well you said that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks so I just thought that since we didn’t…” the mother then goes on a ten minute rampage (a soon as you become a mother you gain the ability to go on about something for an extraordinarily long time) about how no matter what kind of house you live in you can’t throw rocks. 

A feminist group walks out and begins to protest. All of a sudden a woman comes out and delivers a moving speech about how men and women are actually equal. As she finishes the entire group moves away from her because she is wearing a white wife beater. 

Ne Yo and Pitbull come out onto the stage and explain what their song “Give Me Everything” actually means. They say that when they talk about maybe only having tonight they mean it like we only have tonight because I don’t actually want to have a relationship with you I’m just interested in sleeping with you…

The act begins like any other fairy tale, someone figures out that their true love who they have never met is locked in some ridiculously difficult place to get too and then they set off on an adventure which the average person would die on in like a day. However there is one thing very different from any other fairy tale… this time the prince is locked in the tower! The princess has traveled all the way through forests, witches, her period, lions, tigers, and bears oh my, all to get to her prince. Finally she spots the tower and she uses her hair to get up the tower and she jumps in…only to find the prince masturbating. She yells, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” and he responds with, “It gets lonely up here…” The lights go out and the act ends. 

An alcoholic blindly runs onto the stage and explains that you can’t spell sobered without spelling “so bored” in his confused state though he does not realize that sobered and so bored are not spelled the same way. The rest of the act is him stumbling around and complaining about his marriage but towards the end of the act, when he does realize, he vows to give up drinking. 

A man known for his procrastination comes out onto the stage. He dramatically pulls out his journal and tells us that he will read it to help us understand what it is like to put everything off. Every journal entry is a variation of, “Will write tomorrow.”

A deaf man comes on stage and puts on a fantastic shadow puppet act, while his blind assistant… does not.